There are moments in life when we just stop and question our choices. Like when life slaps you in the face, and you suddenly wake up, looking around and thinking: How did it end up like this? What am I doing? Is it worth it? That moment hit me a week ago, when I lost my cousin in the war in Gaza. I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t be with my family. I couldn’t even have a moment to grieve because I had a quiz the next day and life doesn’t stop for anybody to have a moment.
Memories started rushing in. I grew up surrounded by a big family, with many cousins. We were all so close. I thought about all the times we gathered, the meals we shared, the laughter, the songs we sang. How did we end up like this? Some of us scattered across different countries, separated by borders. Others are just waiting, hoping for their own chance to survive.
Then, I remembered when we left Syria 12 years ago. My mom was heartbroken to leave her parents. Her siblings ended up in different countries, too. Now, our phone calls no longer end with “See you in 5 minutes” but with “Allah yellem al-shamel” – May God reunite us. All these thoughts hit me as I sat there, helplessly trying to focus on my quiz, repeating to myself, “Allah yellem al-shamel.”
Is it worth it?
Yes, it is worth it. Didn’t I promise to make my parents proud? Didn’t I promise to stay strong? I want to make a positive impact. I want a better future for my people. I want the children to know a childhood without fear and loss. I want to end the pain that has been passed down from generation to generation.
In these moments, I remind myself why I’m here, away from the place and the people I love. I am getting this education not for a piece of paper to hang on my wall or a title before my name but to bring life to a nation, to the world. Maybe it is hard. But no one ever said change would come without sacrifice.